Birds! (Or Vertebrates with Wings.)

Ben is here! HA! I didn't forget!!! This is cause for celebration!!!

*THROWS CONFETTI OVER MYSELF JOYOUSLY*

I have a funny story for all of you.

I was out on the meadow and it was like, forty degrees but it felt like it was, like thirty because of the wind. And everything was all grey and windy and wet. And I really wasn't going to go out at all but I have these crazy sisters who love archery and can ONLY shoot their bows and arrows in the meadow, so after they pestered me to death they asked me, I decided I could pull myself away from my room for a bit just for them. Cause I'm awesome that way.

Well it was cold. And everything was drippy and dewy. And there were all these ice puddles that looked solid until you stepped on them and got the unexpected wet in your soaks and between your toes. And the path was all iced over so you couldn't walk on it. And the stupid freaking wind cut through my coat and about half way into that beloved grassy valley I seriously regretted my decision to leave my hovel and books.

Hermits detest cold.

At any rate, it was too late to go back by then. I had to bite my tongue and suck it up. I could handle a little cold. I live in the mountains. Its what we DO. I waited, freezing and wet, for my stupid sisters to do their stupid archery so I could go home and write. But they never got to fire arrows. Cause we saw GEESE.

Geese. on our meadow. Sitting there. In the soggy, spongy, muddy grass. Cackling. and gossiping. IN OUR MEADOW. IN OUR PLACE OF COMFORT. WHERE WE ALWAYS SHOOT ARROWS.


THEY HAD INVADED.

So we see them and we all stop. We stop still. And the birds look at us. And they aren't moving. They're just sitting there, in the mud with their little webbed feet.

And they stop chatting when they see us. They go dead silent. Don't make a noise. They stare at us. With these freakin' black glassy eyes they belong to ghouls and killer ravens. And that look is a challenge. They're daring us to make them leave. They're full on taunting us. Geese! Are taunting us!!


This could not be tolerated. We wouldn't allow it. They had to punished. We had to put true fear into those awful little beedy eyed creatures.

So I look at my sisters. And I just say. ..... "Should we get them?"

And they all looked at me with this face

Who can say no to that?

We went after the ducks. We flapped our arms and flailed, shrieking at the geese to leave our inhabitants. They were not happy. They had only just found this spot of paradise. They weren't ready to leave it yet. The fight was arm. There was screaming from the territorial humans

And hissing and shrieking from the exasperated birds.

We chased them. They squawked and flapped their wings, lifting their heavy little bodies. But they didn't go far. they just kept landing and shrieking. AND THEN THEY STARTED CHASING US BACK!

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. THESE STUPID BIRDS WERE CHASING US!

THEY WERE HISSING AND SHRIEKING LIKE SOME PHANTOM BOAT SQUEALING ACROSS THE WAVES. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THEIR BOLDILITY! .... Bolidity. Boldnity. GENERAL BOLDNESS OKAY? Birds don't chase humans! It just isn't done!

I couldn't believe these birds!

This was an outrage! An outrage!

I let my wild side come out. These birds, these insignificant vertebrates were to be taught a lesson.

AFTER THEM I CAME! I flapped my arms, YES! Yes I became as them. My fangs came out. I was a vampire. A FREAKIN GEESE VAMPIRE.

I kicked at the birds. THEY HISSED. I screamed. They Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed. I shriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKED. It got messy fast folks. It became a war. There were guns blowing and bombs going off. There were axes swinging and fires being started in the high grasses. I picked up a stick and with my mighty sword I beat the intruders out of my mighty domain. They left with much grief. They put up a fight. But WE WON. And all we got were a few bruises.

By this time it was too late for arrows. It was time for the victory meal. We had to clean the mud from our boots and scrap the grass from our hair, We peeled the blood from our shirts and shook the dust from our cloths. Then we had dinner, a much deserved celebration for our grand victory.

Our Ancestors would be proud.

LOL, no I'm just kidding.


But seriously.


That's all.


I finished a book today.


I deserve to act psycho.


I'm like this a lot so get used to it.

BEN